I'm sitting here in my living room this morning, looking at the lights on our Christmas tree and feeling not one, but TWO babies kicking me. If you'd told me a year ago that this is what I'd be doing on Christmas Eve 2007, I probably would have laughed (actually it's entirely possible I'd have decked you!).
Three years ago today, we decided we wanted to be parents and started trying right after our wedding. We were so hopeful that Christmas, and just KNEW we'd have a baby by the following Christmas. It feels like a million years ago now.
Two years ago, we knew something was wrong. It had been a year, and nothing. My family all knew we'd been trying, and I was so upset that we didn't have that baby we'd planned on the year before. I had an appointment with a new OB/GYN the next month in hopes that he'd do more to help us than the one I'd been seeing.
A year ago, we were headed for adoption - we even got some baby items for Christmas since we were planning the adoption. A year ago, I was preparing for a D&C after a period that just would not go away (8+ weeks)and praying I didn't have something terribly wrong with me and I'd need a hysterectomy. A year ago, my husband and I were both lamenting the fact that we were facing yet ANOTHER Christmas with no baby in sight. A year ago, I cried at any reading of the Christmas story or movie about the baby Jesus - I was THAT devastated.
This year, I'm sitting here dealing with the aches and pains of a twin pregnancy, we've got all the makings for a nursery upstairs (it just needs to be put together), we've got the beginnings of Kate and Natalie's wardrobes in the closet, and have already started collecting cases of diapers. It's real this time, not some abstract possibility - THEY'RE COMING.
I cannot even begin to describe how grateful, blessed, excited and overjoyed we truly are. It's been a very long road getting here, but knowing what I know now, it was worth every minute of it, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Do I wish it had been easier? Sure, but I also know that this journey has brought us together as a couple in ways nothing else could have, and that we'll be an even stronger family because of it.
So, for the first time in nearly 3 years, I'm going to ENJOY this Christmas, I'm going to laugh and enjoy my family and hug my niece and nephews just a little tighter this year knowing what a gift they truly are....and take a moment to wonder at the fact that their cousins will get to join in on the fun next year.
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