Testing tomorrow. I dread it so much. I'm torn at the moment between moments of hopefulness and despair. I caved and took a HPT - it was negative. I don't expect happy news tomorrow from Dr. Bates, but then again, I keep telling myself this cycle isn't over until it's over.
Guess I'll know one way or the other tomorrow.
I'm at least prepared for the negative test result. At least we know the Femara works, so I have to remain optimistic going forward.... Dr. Bates still feels this treatment will do the trick.
I taught a lesson this week to my Acteens class about perspective, and how things we see as huge obstacles, God often sees as small issues, and that what seems a very long time to us, is actually quite short to Him. Somehow, that comforts me as I head back to Atlanta tomorrow for this blood test. Even if it is negative, we still have hope. Things could be MUCH worse. Much, much worse. Thankfully, Dr. Bates doesn't think we'll have to get super-invasive (never thought I'd call weekly blood tests, ultrasounds 2x a month, and reporting any and all news regarding my cycles "non-invasive", but when in "fertility land" it truly IS non invasive) and expects that this course of treatment will not only work for us, but he expects it to work in less than six months. Thankfully, we're not dealing with any male-factor issues that need to be addressed, no structural issues, and (knock on wood) no recurrent miscarriages. I just have lazy ovaries.
Yes, things could be MUCH worse, so I am choosing now to look on the bright side, to remain positive, and to continue hoping, even if things don't happen as quickly as I'd like.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. - Romans 12:12
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